A Bride – Or A Boat?

This is a follow-up to yesterday’s article, “The Wrong Boat.”  It’s also a “legacy article” from my pre-blogging days; it first appeared on Ferdinand Bardamu’s In Mala Fide in May 2011, when I was preparing to buy the boat I hope to take South to the Caribbean … some day.

The Cost Of Wedding website (May 2011) posted an average cost, for the USA, of just over $24,000 for the wedding day. “The majority of couples,” they continue by saying, “spend between $18,050 and $30,083″ for the Big Day. They have a voluminous list of items that are included in the celebrations – enough to make one slightly ill, at the very least. [1]

By comparison, I’m getting ready to spend about $20,000 for a 1979 Bristol 29.9 sailboat; this is a sturdy and capable little vessel, just under 30 feet long, and she’s quite suitable for coastal or island cruising. People have actually sailed around the world in vessels this size, and smaller. If you’re careful about “stuff” you could live aboard a boat this size, and yet its price is less than that of many an economy car. It could be a good choice and lifestyle for a man “going his own way.”

A likely candidate to Sail Away.

How would the purchase of a boat like this compare to the costs of an American-style wedding, that “Queen For A Day” experience that’s marketed to every woman who reads “Brides” magazine? Let’s take a look.

The first thing, of course, in preparing for a wedding, is to secure a fiancée.  I won’t get too far into describing this process, just enough to make a comparison. Potential fiancées may be found in various social venues (“meet markets”), or at social events of many kinds, or through well-meaning friends, or even by way of a marriage broker (on-line, as in various websites both paid and unpaid, or offline, as in a variety of matchmaking companies). For that matter, your kindly aunt’s bridge-club partner might have a “darling” niece that “you really should meet”. The cost of looking, of course, varies with the venue or agent that you choose. [2]

Choosing a boat to buy has its similarities. You can go visit various marinas and look for the boats that have brokerage signs, or look at the bulletin boards in these marinas. You can go to boat shows where the latest new yachts are primped up with signs saying “Welcome Aboard (but leave your shoes on the dock!)” You can check with yacht brokers, online and off-line; Yachtworld.com is a very comprehensive multi-listing site. Or you might strike up a chat with someone who is thinking of selling his boat for a bigger one, or a smaller one….

How do the costs of “shopping for a boat” compare with those of “shopping for a bride”? I might spend a lot on piña coladas, while chatting with a number of prospective fiancées. Tickets to events can be costly; so can those marriage brokers. By contrast, a yacht broker takes a commission on the sale; a good one will help you find and choose a good boat that will meet your needs – and accepts it as the price of doing business, if you spend an afternoon looking over his offerings and then decide “not any of these, not yet.”

Now … you’ve found your “dreamboat.” (Let me hasten to remind you that this term got used a lot in my youth, to connote a prospective mate!) Your next step is to prove your intentions, whether you are plighting your troth to a woman or putting your fortune down on a boat. What’s the cost of this step?

With a woman it’s called “getting engaged.” In Western culture, at this time, we are supposed to buy a diamond ring, get down on one knee, and present it with “the question.” DeBeers, the international diamond cartel, has “suggested” that the ring should be worth two months’ salary, and you can bet that a modern woman is going to be satisfied with no less. [3]

With a boat, you make an offer and pay “earnest money” to back your offer. Generally you’ll pay the broker about 10% of your offer. The offer depends on how desirable is the boat, and how long it’s been on the market. (Kind of like a woman, isn’t it?) The seller will accept your offer, or make a counter-offer, till you come to an agreed price; then you make a contract to buy the boat.

Are all the parts in working order?

Now here’s a big difference: Your contract is contingent on the boat passing a “marine survey,” a thorough inspection and operational check of the boat, performed by a professional marine surveyor. The surveyor will spend hours going through every system on the boat, documenting any problems or weak points – rough-running engines, non-functioning pumps, defects in the hull or deck, condition of upholstery, condition of sails, standing and running rigging, from bow to stern and from masthead to keel. If the boat’s in the water, you will have it hauled onshore for this inspection; if it’s on shore, you may launch it and perform a sea trial (at your expense). Even a good boat will have defects, and you can require the owner to repair those defects before you accept the boat. Or, if the surveyor finds enough problems, you can say “No thank you, please return my earnest money, good luck selling that leaky teaky!”

Is there any comparable “survey” for a fiancée? Well, maybe, in a fashion … in today’s environment, you may not spring for the ring until you’ve spent a lot of time together, including bed time. But … hiring a professional to do a “survey” and report to you on her defects? What a fantasy!

Now come the preparations for the big day.

I’m not going to detail all of the items that are included with the wedding. You can go to “costofwedding.com” where the list is itemized and the costs are broken down. You are going to be broken down yourself, through the process – by your beloved, and her mother, and anyone else involved with the deal. By the morning of The Big Day, you will be worn out and quite aware that you are nothing more than an accessory to her “VIP Walk” down the aisle. I hope you got drunk a few times with her dad, before he gives her away to you; I also hope you aren’t too hung-over from the “bachelor party” to help her enjoy her Queen For A Day status, and that nobody left any “souvenirs” where they might embarrass you. Or her. You will never live it down if you embarrass her on her Queenly Day.

For my boat, assuming it does well in the survey, the process will be simpler and more direct. [4] I’ll hand the balance of the agreed price to the broker; he’ll make out a bill of sale, and send the registration to the State (or to the Coast Guard, for a large-enough vessel) to be made over in my name. I’m going to keep the boat’s present name, so “de-naming” and “re-naming” ceremonies will not figure into the transfer process. The marina will launch the boat, I’ll bend on the sails and take her to her new home – which, for sentimental reasons, I’ll refer to here as “Slip F-18, Bahia Mar.” [5] I’ll snug her up in her dock, go below and take a cold one out of the icebox, then lounge up in the cockpit and watch the sunset. Next morning, I’ll fix breakfast in her galley, then cast off and take her out for some more sailing …

The object of desire, under sail

Over the years, I’ll spend a fair amount of my time and money on this sailboat. I will make it my vacation home, at the very least. There will be the annual haulout, repair and maintenance of her various systems, and I’ve already got my eyes on the things I want to upgrade. She needs new upholstery, which I can sew up for myself. Probably one of these years, she’ll need a new set of sails. New and better electronics, like a GPS and chart display; perhaps an autopilot. And if I keep her long enough, I may have to have her little diesel engine overhauled.

On the other hand, if I keep her in good condition, I’ll make back at least her purchase price when – and if – I decide I need a bigger boat to follow my dreams.

Don’t even bother to compare that to your marriage. [6]

“The man who would be fully employed should procure a ship or a woman, for no two things produce more trouble.” -Titus Maccius Plautus

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[1] As of January 2012, the average cost of a wedding in the USA has risen to well over $26,500 – over 10% in eight months.  Better look into wedding futures as a growth investment!

[2] You can’t imagine how tempted I was to link to some PUA sites in this footnote.

[3] Currently, DeBeers recommends “three months’ salary” for the engagement ring.

[4] And it was.  I actually got the boat for $17,500 … or about 4½ months of my pension.  There are other costs, like dock fees, new equipment, winter haul-out and maintenance; but she’s nowhere near as “high maintenance” as the average American wife.

[5] What do you mean, you haven’t read John D. McDonald’s “Travis McGee” series?

[6]  This was my final comment on the original In Mala Fide post:

Okay … Today was The Day.

I brought the survey report to the broker and we discussed a couple of items that needed to be done. He agreed to replace a thru-hull that needed to be replaced; he had installed a new exhaust pipe that was in bad condition, and I saw his work was good. We discussed the anti-fouling paint that he’d agreed to put on the hull below the waterline. I took a good look at everything aboard, and we went to his office where I wrote a check for the balance of the purchase price, plus state tax and transfer fees. We signed and countersigned the paperwork, and he accepted my check.

Then he intoned …

“I now pronounce you man – and boat.“

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Some useful links:

www.ssca.org – the Seven Seas Cruising Association is the oldest and largest worldwide organization supporting the liveaboard cruising lifestyle.

www.sailfar.net – “Small Boats, Long Distances.” A Web site devoted to people who are planning, making, or boasting about, voyages to far-off places in modest-sized and older boats.

www.cruisingworld.com – Cruising World Magazine has been touting the cruising lifestyle … for decades.

www.costofwedding.com – Finally, this should help you talk yourself out of the alternative.